Not All Old Men Are Creepy

If you're female then you have more likely than not been hit on at one point in your young life by what I deem as "the creepy old man". You know what I'm talking about, the 40+ men, usually with slicked back dyed hair combed in all sorts of fashions to distract you from their receding hair lines, sporting jeans and v-neck tees or waaayyy too colorful button up shirts, on the prowl for young 20 something year olds, who swear up and down they "just don't get along with women their age" and then spend the whole night trying to molest you in some odd way or another with this creepy look on their face that reminds you of Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lector in The Silence of the Lambs. Ya them. The desperation is so thick you can almost cut it with a knife. At least women get desperate in their late 20s when they still have a chance...just saying.

Anyways, we've all met them. I even went on a date with one, and lets just say I spent the whole night half on my seat cause he kept trying to scoot onto it all the while rubbing my back and legs as if that would help him get laid...

But recently, tonight actually, I had the odd pleasure of going on a date with a 47 year old. Now I have to say that he was actually pretty well kept for his age...I would have dubbed him to be in his early 40s. Anyways, let me start off by saying that overall he was a nice guy. He paid for dinner and drinks and took me to an Improv comedy show, which by the way seems to be the new go to date spot among older men, as he is the second older guy to take me. The conversations weren't bad, and I have to say they got better as he had more beers. But unfortunately for him, the conversations also told me A LOT about why he's 47 and still single. For starters, he's an only child, and unfortunately, they tend to be selfish, I mean they are polite yes, but inherently they tend to be self-centered. I could tell he's very much a "ME" kind of person and never spent the good majority of his life caring for other people or putting them first. STRIKE. Next, I started probing him about his past dating experiences (Note to readers: Don't ask about past relationships on the first date, it makes for awkward conversation, however since I really wasn't that invested I ventured on anyways...haha). WOW. Can you say bitter? Any man that gets angry over a woman taking a bit of time to text back and when they do respond with a "No, but thanks" gets mad because she didn't offer some long monologue about why she couldn't go is obviously not someone you want to date, because one missed call and he'll be hounding you for days. (Note to men: NEVER and I say NEVER get angry on a first date, about anything, or you'll find yourself akin to Wiley Coyote chasing after the roadrunner). Also, okay what is up with men who are old themselves griping about women who are in their same age group? I'm sorry you don't want to date her because she's old, could possible come with baggage, and older women tend to not have the same interests as you? News flash buddy, you're old, just cause you don't have kids doesn't mean you don't have baggage, and I know tons of women who are in their 40s who enjoy the same activities as you. You're in the same boat! It's like the people who go on Jerry Springer who hate their own race. Really?

Now a little advice for you young-women loving older men. Let's face it, you don't have too much to offer now, except well STABILITY. Usually single men in their late 40s are established, successful and living a comfortable life. If you're not then I have no idea what you've been doing with your life and where you've been squandering your money, because it's not like you had a wife and kids to take care of (exception: divorced men...you have an excuse, especially if that bitch was a gold digging wrench and got you for all you were worth). So please men, and I cannot stress this enough, do not gripe about how your business is struggling and the one thing you're lacking in life is monetary success, because if I wanted that then I'd go date a 20 something year old, fresh out of college who has every excuse in life to be struggling and unsuccessful. Not to mention he'll have the pluses of being younger, probably more fit, better looking, and a better chance of making it in life. Cause let's face it, if you can't figure it out by the time you're almost 50 (retirement is only 15 years away buddy) you'll never figure it out. So please, don't be cheap and split a pizza with me instead of getting your own entree, and if I want a $10 appetizer, order it. It's $10 and you'll come off a little better than you did.

But in the end, KUDOS to him for not coming off overly desperate or creepy, for the most part I enjoyed his company and definitely enjoyed the show. Oh and he didn't try and touch me inappropriately. Thank you.

Until Next Time.

Thoughts of you and me

Recently my dreams have been plagued by a recent breakup. The first one happened the night before last, and I had dreamed that we were having dinner at a Cheesecake Factoryesque type restaurant. I walked over to his seat and told him how much I missed him, and in return received no response. The next one was last night, I dreamed that we were staying in a cabin in the woods, and I decided to take a quick nap, instead of waking me he went off to enjoy great adventures with our friends and upon his return I felt as though he didn't want to share any of those great adventures with me. I found these dreams quite interesting as I woke up feeling a little empty inside and found it profoundly interesting how accurate those feelings were to how I felt in the relationship and currently.

You see, since the breakup which was a little over a week ago, I have thrown myself back out into the wild. Who has time to grieve when the transgressor isn't grieving? But everyone says people should take the time to grieve. How much is enough time? Especially if the relationship didn't make it past 6 months. But I have to say this one hit me pretty hard...I was actually rather surprised especially since I had kept my distance so well for the first 3 months...but I think the thing that made it hard was I actually saw potential with him...Let's be honest here...we've all done it. We've all dated someone for a decent amount of time KNOWING they were not the one. I will be the first to admit I have. But somewhere between adolescence and the the sinking reality that I, as a woman, am a depreciating asset (sorry girls, lets face it, we can not George Clooney ourselves and get better with age...hahah ok maybe...with the help of botox and plastic surgery) my mindset has completely shifted from dating to date, to dating for something REAL. And I felt something real with him. Fast forward to today and obviously that didn't work out too well. But before I sign off, let me tell you what I've learned thus far from this breakup and previous ones...

1. Always follow your gut...unless you just had your heart broken, in which case, do the exact opposite of whatever your gut tells you! Yes that means you, stop mass texting the poor thing. It does not make him want you back. If anything it scares him! Think about how you would feel...ya exactly.
2. Your imagination will always fuck with you and you'll go through scenarios of apologizing, begging...thoughts of if I do this and say this then this will happen. Well you're wrong...nothing ever works out the way it does in your head...like that time you were little and swore up and down that when you grew up you'd have mutant powers like wolverine...not going to happen
3. Christina Aguilera was right...if it comes back it's yours...that's how you know...And I say this because, the person left for a reason, and if they were to return from your begging, apologizing, whatever, it wouldn't be by their own accord and more than likely another breakup will ensue...so save yourself the agonizing pain...again...and move on. Because happy people attract people. And say you two are soul mates, then you want to be happy and whole again for your reunion right? Not bitter and mean with hatred in your heart....just saying.
4. I will admit up front that I am guilty as charged. But try not to facebook stalk him...it'll just make you sad. Do it for your own sanity really.
5. My friends are the BEST group of people. 

Until Next Time.